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Not going to mention the real names because that's not how shit rolls in the country (yes, I do believe shit rolls) so thankyou Hatter

Anyway, just mixed emotions of happiness and (not quite sure why, but )regret, Hatter is helping me a lot, I'm not quite sure what brought it on. I know that they're going through a rough time now, it must be so hard. I know I couldn't do it... I could never handle what they were going through let alone to even think of helping someone like me, but i'll try to help where I can (key word is try)

And as a pointer/quote. Season 2 of Mad men

Man "You always look so sad"

Betty Draper "I'm not sad...I'm grateful"

And because I have never mentioned them: Hatter is the most interesting person you will ever meet, they speak their mind and are everything i would wish myself to be like...now that I think about it they are all who I wish  I could be like. What I could never be.


I don't like what's happening now. In every sense, everybody I know, and all the feelings I have for people are changing...I still cannot tell if everything is feeling apart and I'm losing what it means to feel or if I'm gaining all of these thoughts and opinions to feel about people more strongly--if that makes sense?


Crappy songs make the world go round

Grrrrrr, have to give the fucking "talk" today, why can't I just sing "I'M SORRY, I DON'T HATE YOU, BUT I DON'T LOVE YOU AT ALL" and then run off with the pixies? My annoyance was so that  I wrote a song (sort of thing) about it...it's still raw at the moment, but i'm trying to fix it. Not really quite sure why, but it made me feel better--weight off my chest I guess, I'm still not sure if it's true though...but I like it, therefore it is posted. 

 I just thought I should mention that I don’t like you at all
Never liked you since you opened your two faced fall
And the tales were as flat as the ocean ma papa used to call
And your funny little sayings weren’t really funny at all
Made mistakes be polite, laughed along didn’t want to start a fight
Best to laugh over cry Best to sing over shout and 'tend you’re havn’ a good old time
Best to dance over fall, no don’t fall, don’t  fall,—just laugh an paste the smile o  your face like your hav'n the time of your life

the rest is just strange and i don't know what to do about it, I wrote half of it when i was really, really angry and the other half when I was really happy: so one sides full of cussing while the other is basically about flowers and lollypops. When I fix the other side up I'll post it all. It really annoy's me that i can't rhyme properly, my mum show'd me some poetry and I just can't get the hang off it: it just ends up sounding like moosh when I try.

PS. Dear ma lord Keats pray that I can speak in rhymes and stop saying like every second sentence. (something is telling me ben is not listening to me?)

Oct. 29th, 2011

I have no idea what the hell to do!!! Should I go to the movies? or buy David Bowie album? This shouldn't leave me this confused BUT IT DOES. (And I call myself a Bowie fan--shame)
Dear fat man with beard in sky: I want a box. Two in fact.

One will be for the emotions of the person I am, the other for the emotions for the person I wish to be, because I'm afraid--at the moment mine are all jumbled up and making no sense.

But because you are a sod who had better things to do, also feel free to kill a few randoms :)
Please note I'm still alive Mr Nobody.
Thought I might start using this again, I feel as though I'm about to explode from the amount of emotions I'm feeling right now...it's quite ridiculas.

So I'm just going to spew all my emotions here in a dodgy looking cheese ball :D

So this is my "happy" post of my last two days, they were remarkably boring even for me so yay! I don't even care :D

SO i went to another food market (a different one too last time cos I'm cool) bought a pastry which was  really flaky so I had crumbs all over my clothes for the rest of the day (which is very sexy)
Went to a garage sale where I talked to a guy about cool looking old things. He was trying to sell a bed that had come with the house (it was an extremely old terrace) A silk print maker caught my eye, it was absolutely gorgeous. It was in an old wooden box and ad all o the equipment inside, I asked him how much it was and he said $50, my face fell and he then changed the price, saying that he was sure that I'd use it and love it more than he ever could and sold it to me for $20. (Somewhat died of happiness)

Today I began reading Peter Pan, I've never read it before and have been finding it quite delightful, I went to St Stephens where there were a botch of people taking fashion shots, they all looked very gay (with both meanings of the word) And on a different note I read throam again. Odd combination but I had fun. While I was in the graveyard a boy started playing his guitar and a couple sat on the stone wall with golden light. It was all rather lovely, but I left just as Peter was taking the children to Neverland.

Dum da de dum... I think I'm in love with missing you
I've decided that I'm only allowed to do two posts per day - I need to ration myself or I'll be here all day. One about my day (happy) and another thats basically just an angry rant that I need to get out of my system. I'll start with the rant so I can end this positivly

Basically I wish that making friends was't so god dam hard. At school it's easier, you can talk to anyone if your brave enough but in the real world it's a whole new game. I'm not exactly sure what the big differance is, perhaps it's the chance of rejection: of them staring at you for a moment or too thinking "what a weird kid"

I shouldn't really be wishing for friends outside of school, I have enough trouble with the ones I already have. I just want a different sort of relationship, one thats not completly school based. In school your forced to make friends and talk to people or you'll die, like a fish out of water you'll shrivel up and everybody will forget about you. In school you never know if their with because they like you or there there beacuse they have to.

On the outside people have to call you up and ask to meet you. Proof that they want to be with you.
Okay. Somewhat falling in love with the two women on the panel :D     I can't remember/spell their names but yeah...

I should probably stop watching this...just falling more in love with Josh
Have I mentioned that I love Tony Jones? Because I do :D

And the people that had the "I love Josh" sign...RESPECT. (Tad bit inapproperiate but this is gen Y politics)